Mariner

Evening freighter on the east horizon
Small but very large
White in the setting sunlight

Stays on the horizon
Like the sailboats
Safer when shore’s in sight

To be on it

Small crew, a bunch of freight
Chicago to Milwaukee?

I used to be more imaginative
From halfway around the world
Crew speaking a different language

A mariner sees me sitting
Why is that man alone?
Hiding in such a place?

Soon it will get dark
And I will turn
Turn my back to the sea
Walk up the hill
Into the trees
Return,
To what will bring me back

Advertisements

5 Comments

Filed under Poetry

5 responses to “Mariner

  1. A draft of this came from my journaling this evening while sitting on giant rocks on the Kenosha shore of Lake Michigan. It was part of a workshop with the Kenosha Writers’ Guild.

  2. Very nice. I am sorry to have missed the meeting. It looks like all had a very inspiring time!

  3. Anonymous

    “A mariner sees me sitting
    Why is that man alone?
    Hiding in such a place?”

    I like that part. I also thought about how you wrote on how it’s safer when the shore’s in sight (presumably from the freighter’s pov) then later wrote about leaving the shore (presumably from the narrator’s pov). 🙂

  4. Very nice! I especially like the last verse: “Soon it will get dark / And I will turn / Turn my back to the sea / Walk up the hill / Into the trees /
    Return, / To what will bring me back” – conveys a longing that will continue unfullfilled,

  5. Anonymous

    Overall very good. I am not a poem person. I enjoyed your poem. Maybe I should change my opinion about poetry. You conveyed your main thought well. I liked imagery about freighter and crew early in poem. There was good progression until “I used to be … different language.” The point of view shifted to man on shore with his comment about imagination, then back to crew, then back to man on shore. It flows better the other way, “From halfway around … I used to be imaginative.” Great last line, “Return to what will bring me back.” It concisely explains why man looks out over sea. This is my first critique since high school. I thought that you might be interested in what worked/didn’t work for me rather than mere overall opinion. How did I do? Too much detail?

    Phantom

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s